Let me preface this post by saying that I truly do love Christmas. I love Christmas carols and lights and parties and everything about the time between Thanksgiving and the New Year. Some years are easier to feel the spirit within than others though. The holidays, when I was growing up were almost always at my great grandparents house. We all had our ‘places’ around the table. Mine was always to the left of my great grandfather. Thursday I was put on the other side of the table sort of smashed into the middle of my family. It felt physically strange and it hasn’t felt that way since they passed 9 years ago. It was almost like grandpa was asking why I was sitting over there. I have been in a funk ever since. I scheduled my whole weekend so that I would have today to decorate the house for Christmas. I have what amounts to an entire room in my house of boxes of Christmas decorations. It took everything I had to put the tree up today.
Once I finally started decorating with ornaments passed down from my great grandmother and family ornaments from my husband that the Christmas tree is the metaphor for life. It’s a mish-mash of all these different lives and traditions. My husband really only spent a couple of holidays with us before they died (and we were not married at that point) but the holidays seem to have evolved into something completely unrecognizable to my younger me, and that is ok. In the bustle of the holidays it’s hard to hold onto tradition. Even this year we are fitting Christmas into one long day instead of two. Im not big on change but I like how the holidays have evolved in my immediate family and now, in my own family. I love that I can say “Sure, Ill do Christmas dinner! How about lasagna?” to my non italian in laws and they are perfectly ok with that. It’s time to really set my own traditions I think. I think, at nearly 40 years old, it’s long overdue.